It was naughty and bad of me

If you weren’t quite so big, it’d be time for Mr. and Mrs. Spank to pay a short sharp trip to Bottyland

Another Blackadder II quote, this time from Nursie in the episode called “Money”.


With Edmund desperately trying to earn £1000 to pay off the loan from the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells, Queenie and Melchett play repeated tricks on Edmund and demanding money from him for his troubles.  Following one such trick, Queenie apologises to Edmund for being so naughty saying “It was naughty and bad of me”.  The quote is Nursie’s response to this.


A baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells

The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil’s own satanic herd.

Taken from series 2 again, in the episode called “Money”, Blackadder owes the Bank of the black Monks of St. Herod one thousand pounds and if he doesn’t repay it by Evensong the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells will brutally murder him with the aid of a poker.


At the eleventh hour, he hatches a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it. He hires the finest portrait painter in England, Mr Leonardo Acropolis, to paint the Bishop in a hideously compromising position – with Percy. The blackmail is a huge success, although Percy seems less than thrilled with the whole thing.


You have a woman’s bottom

Captain Rum: Ah, “Courtiers to the Queen”! You’re nothing but lapdogs to a slip of a girl!

Blackadder: Better a “lapdog to a slip of a girl” than a… GIT!

Taken from the series 2 episode “Potato”, Sir Walter Raleigh is home from his epic voyage and the everyone in the kingdom is celebrating – everyone, that is, except Blackadder.

Captain Rum

Just one episode Tom Baker contributed to Blackadder, and what a contribution, playing the legless Captain Rum (literally legless, as they were “sliced clean off by a falling sail, and swept into the sea before your very eyes”) – Rum’s quote “You have a woman’s bottom” particularly sticks in the mind – the full quote goes:

“You have a woman’s bottom, my lady.  I’ll wager that sweet round pair of peaches has never been forced twixt two splintered planks to plug a leak and save a ship.”


A plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn’t he, Percy?

Hee hee!  Another gem from the never-ending treasure trove of Blackadder quotes – series 2 again and the episode called “Money”

Lord Percy

This quote from this series ranked number three in a list of the top 25 television ‘put downs’ of the last 40 years by the Radio Times magazine


The ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this

Edmund:  Right Baldrick, I have two beans, and I add two more beans.  What does that make?
Baldrick:  A very small casserole.

As mentioned on a previous quote, Blackadder is one of our all time favourites, so over this festive period we will stick with this truly exceptionally funny sitcom – series 2 for the time being.

Blackadder and Baldrick

The above quote comes from the episode entitled “Head”; here Blackadder attempts to teach Baldrick how to add, asking if he had “two beans, and I add two more beans, what does that make?”


A broken pencil

Ma’am, life without you is like a broken pencil – pointless

It had to happen sooner or later.  One of the greatest series of comedy programs of modern times and one of our all time favourites – Blackadder.  We could very easily fill many months worth of blog entries from this bastion of brilliant comedy; I’m sure this will not be our only entry.

Edmund Blackadder

Taken from the second series, which was set in the Elizabethan era, Edmund is asked by Queenie “…and me, did you miss me Edmund?”, to which the above was the reply.