Feline frolics

If my pussy isn’t attended to by eight, she needs a right stroking all night!

One final quote from Are you Being Served.  Mrs Slocombe was famous for one thing and that was her … cat (a.k.a. pussy).  So many innuendos were in Are You Being Served from many of the characters, it is Mrs Slocombe’s regular referral to her…cat, that is most fondly remembered (or should it be fondling…)

Mrs Slocombe

Mrs Slocombe was head of the ladies’ department and was as well-known for her changing hair colour as well as conversations about her… cat


A fresh serving of fruit

MRS. SLOCOMBE: Well, you are what you eat.
MR. LUCAS: How long have you been eating sour grapes and ugli fruit?

Very cutting.  Another quick-witted reply from the young Mr Lucas in Are You Being Served.

Are You Being Served

Such was the success of the program, one film was released using the same characters and cast; the fictional Costa Plonka was the resort; where else could it have been?


And I am unanimous in this!

MRS. SLOCOMBE: That’s how I met my husband, during an air raid. The bombs were raining down and I saw his face lit by an incendiary. He threw me on my face and said, look out, here comes a big one!
MR. LUCAS: I suppose there wasn’t much time for chatting in those days.

Ha ha!  Another double entendre from this classic British comedy, first making its TV appearance in the 1970’s

Are You Being Served

Mr Lucas, who was regularly put down by the more senior members of staff, was young, penniless, womanising junior salesman.  He usually had some witty retort, as shown above.

And the title of this post… one of Mrs Slocombe’s many infamous quotes.



I had just bent down to tighten my nuts, and there was a double yellow line, see? And next thing I knew, there was policeman behind me. He put a sticker on my helmet and tried to clamp me.

Fondly remembered, this sitcom was full of sexual innuendo and easy to identify characters.  Set in Grace Brothers, a fictional London department store, Are You Being Served lasted for 69 episodes over 10 years.

Mr Humphries

The show is remembered for its prolific use of double entendres with the base of the series making fun of the British class system.  The above quote from the “camp” Mr Humphries was arrived at whilst he was discussing having to hang onto backs of buses and skateboard to Grace Brothers to save money.



(after being ordered to fight and defy the Sun)

Gunner Graham: But the Sun isn’t an anatomical entity, it’s an inanimate object. How can we possibly fight it, Sergeant-Major?

Sergeant-Major Williams: How can we possibly fight it, Sergeant-Major? Let me tell you, Gunner La-De-Dah Graham, the British Army can fight anything! Intimate or not!

Something a little older now, and very dated too – a bit un-PC for today’s audiences, but at the time it was a very popular show.  This unlikely hit program even had a No.1 hit in the pop charts for two of its cast, Windsor Davies and Don Estelle, with “Whispering Grass

It Ain't Half Hot Mum

It Ain’t Half Hot Mum was a sitcom based in India 1944, and was based around the Royal Artillery Concert Party who perpetually try to avoid going in to action by performing for the troops with their brand of camp entertainment!


Ooooh Rrrrenéééé

Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once.

Sometimes a quote forever is linked with a program or person, and this one falls 100% into this category.

Michèlle Dubois

Allo Allo, a sitcom based in World War II occupied France, explores the relationship a local café owner has with, well, virtually everyone.  From the 2 waitresses, the camp German officer and Michelle of the resistance, from which this immortal quote was uttered in virtually every episode.


Who do you think you are kidding

Don’t tell him Pike

A true “British” comedy program, one that could only ever be created in this country.  Dads Army was based in the Second World War, with a bunch of mostly geriatric men making up the Home Guard; a group of volunteers whose task was to help defend the country from invasion.

Dads Army

Like so many great comedy lines, it is the lead up to the killer punchline that really sets the scene and maximises the humor from a few simple words.  The full quote comes from season 6’s episode “The Deadly Attachment”, and you will see why the above is so funny:

German U-boat Captain: I am making notes, Captain, and your name will go on the list; and when we win the war you will be brought to account.

Captain Mainwaring: You can write what you like, You’re not going to win the war!

U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are.

Mainwaring: Oh no you’re not.

U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are!

Pvt. Pike: [Singing] Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he’s half-barmy, so’s his army, whistle while you work!

U-boat Captain: Your name will also go on the list! What is it?

Mainwaring: Don’t tell him Pike!

U-boat Captain: Pike!