Life! Don’t talk to me about life

Arthur: You know, it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young.
Ford: Why, what did she tell you?
Arthur: I don’t know, I didn’t listen.

Tearing ourselves away from the festive Blackadder, we return to another favourite – a true giant of comic writing and who is sadly no longer with us.

Douglas Adams

Dougals Adams created The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which had its first radio airing in 1978.  This morphed into a trilogy of 5 books which since has sold 15 million copies, a TV series and a Hollywood movie made too (after his death).

The sheer scale of his diverse comic talent is surely unparalleled in this or any other universe.  Who else would have taking a mundane every-day item, such as a towel, and transforming it in to the “most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have”;  where else could the number “42” achieve such universally intergalactic importance being the “Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything”

So long Douglas and thanks for all the fish!



It was naughty and bad of me

If you weren’t quite so big, it’d be time for Mr. and Mrs. Spank to pay a short sharp trip to Bottyland

Another Blackadder II quote, this time from Nursie in the episode called “Money”.


With Edmund desperately trying to earn £1000 to pay off the loan from the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells, Queenie and Melchett play repeated tricks on Edmund and demanding money from him for his troubles.  Following one such trick, Queenie apologises to Edmund for being so naughty saying “It was naughty and bad of me”.  The quote is Nursie’s response to this.


A baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells

The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil’s own satanic herd.

Taken from series 2 again, in the episode called “Money”, Blackadder owes the Bank of the black Monks of St. Herod one thousand pounds and if he doesn’t repay it by Evensong the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells will brutally murder him with the aid of a poker.


At the eleventh hour, he hatches a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it. He hires the finest portrait painter in England, Mr Leonardo Acropolis, to paint the Bishop in a hideously compromising position – with Percy. The blackmail is a huge success, although Percy seems less than thrilled with the whole thing.


You have a woman’s bottom

Captain Rum: Ah, “Courtiers to the Queen”! You’re nothing but lapdogs to a slip of a girl!

Blackadder: Better a “lapdog to a slip of a girl” than a… GIT!

Taken from the series 2 episode “Potato”, Sir Walter Raleigh is home from his epic voyage and the everyone in the kingdom is celebrating – everyone, that is, except Blackadder.

Captain Rum

Just one episode Tom Baker contributed to Blackadder, and what a contribution, playing the legless Captain Rum (literally legless, as they were “sliced clean off by a falling sail, and swept into the sea before your very eyes”) – Rum’s quote “You have a woman’s bottom” particularly sticks in the mind – the full quote goes:

“You have a woman’s bottom, my lady.  I’ll wager that sweet round pair of peaches has never been forced twixt two splintered planks to plug a leak and save a ship.”


A plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn’t he, Percy?

Hee hee!  Another gem from the never-ending treasure trove of Blackadder quotes – series 2 again and the episode called “Money”

Lord Percy

This quote from this series ranked number three in a list of the top 25 television ‘put downs’ of the last 40 years by the Radio Times magazine


The ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this

Edmund:  Right Baldrick, I have two beans, and I add two more beans.  What does that make?
Baldrick:  A very small casserole.

As mentioned on a previous quote, Blackadder is one of our all time favourites, so over this festive period we will stick with this truly exceptionally funny sitcom – series 2 for the time being.

Blackadder and Baldrick

The above quote comes from the episode entitled “Head”; here Blackadder attempts to teach Baldrick how to add, asking if he had “two beans, and I add two more beans, what does that make?”


Night, Dougal.

I’m not a fascist, I’m a priest. Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas…priests… More drink! (All cheer)

This multi BAFTA award-winning Irish comedy sitcom follows the misadventures of three Roman Catholic priests who live in a parish on the fictional Craggy Island.  “Ted doesn’t have an anti-religious view of life, but a non-religious view. It’s a job to him. He doesn’t care about religion.”, so says Graham Linehan, the series creator

Father Ted

Similar in style to other comedy programs where the character tries to get himself out of trouble by making more trouble for himself (e.g. Basil in Fawlty Towers), Father Ted achieved cult status for many people, which was unfortunately helped by the death of “Ted” the central character in 1998, played by Dermot Morgan.


Smell my cheese

Right, dry skin cream.  I’m having an attack of the old flakes again.  This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack.

A parody of both sports commentators and chat show presenters this popular character appeared on first radio then TV.  So real was the character created that it was easy to forget Alan Partridge was totally fictional and being acted by Steve Coogan.

Alan Partridge

Partridge was socially incompetent and a difficult character to get along with who was prone to one-upmanship, embarrassing mishaps and displays of insensitivity.  All this complex character portrayal added to the amazingly believable character.  So many sayings came out of the many series, I’m sure we will publish a few more.


You dirty old man

You’re worse than a fly ’round a cow’s ****hole

A blast from the past now, from another TV program, the like of which is unlikely ever to be created again.  Set in the sixties and seventies, Steptoe and Son was a classic comedy program about two rag and bone men.  Crude, rude, squalid, unkempt, penny-pinching and unsophisticated (at least Albert was and Harold aspired to be) this explosive father and son combination was the must-watch TV program of the day

Steptoe and Son

Today, a lot of the humour and acting is probably too un-PC and very rough around the edges, but it still holds its appeal.  Society of today may not totally understand the situation comedy, it initially being in black and white may also seem odd and date it even more, the chemistry and friction of the father and son relationship was plain to see, something that mimicked the two actors relationship in real life.

The title of the post is Harold’s favorite saying about his father…


It’s good night from me – and it’s good night from him

Four Candles!

Timeless comedy at its best from one of the UKs best-loved comedians

Ronnie Barker quite rightly appears in this blog for a second time, the first person to do so.  At this festive time of year, the Two Ronnies was a Christmas tradition on British TV, so it is very apt that we add another of his famous quotes.

Ronnie Barker

This particular sketch is arguably the greatest comedy sketch of all time, and undeniably utterly brilliant – it truly demonstrates Ronnie Barker’s excellence in lexophilia (love of words) where he would explore ways in which everyday words can sound or feel different in puns.

I’m sure there will be a few more entries in the future for Mr Barker too.  The start of the sketch goes as follows:

In a hardware shop –  Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket.  He has just finished serving a customer.
(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie)
BARKER: Four Candles!
CORBETT: Four Candles?
BARKER: Four Candles.
(Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter)
BARKER: No, four candles!
CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles!
BARKER: No, fork ‘andles! ‘Andles for forks!

The full video is here: